I could admire her good looks, dark eyes, and flashing wit.
And yet there was something that wasn’t coming across. I was hopeful and encouraged by our promising start. But …In my joyous engagement I was missing something from her that I couldn’t identify.
Re the plethora of options on an app like Tinder, it’s essential to cut through the noise by filtering like mad to exclude all guys who are not real prospects.
It’s a far better use of your time to get 75 matches and disqualify 70 of them quickly than to feel paralyzed by choice, especially since many of them are not suitable. It’s the same as if you met a cute guy at a friend’s party and then found him boring.
There’s a reason that an extroverted creative type like me isn’t going to naturally run across an introverted mathematician. We call it social media, but it’s becoming more just media media. Online dating may also seem like a worthy activity, especially if you’re seeking companionship.
It’s because we have so little in common, virtually zero overlap. They’re showing you approximately 8% of your friend’s status updates and messages. But the illusion created by social media makes us think we have a pretty good idea of who these “potentials” say they are, and what they look like today, while in truth we don’t.
I know of many couples who have met online, and their stories usually reflect a quick expression on the part of both parties that they were interested in something real with one another.
I get the sense that instead of the dreaded DTR that couples have IRL, people who meet online are more likely to have a “Are we on the same page? My new post on Jon Birger’s book Date-onomics highlights just how challenging the numbers are today, due to lopsided sex ratios that favor men.
So the college-educated guy has options – and that is a strong incentive to delay commitment.
Put another way, you’re more likely to meet an animal lover at the zoo, an art appreciator at the museum, or a wine enthusiast at a tasting than you are to find these kindred spirits in cyberspace. Profiles on Facebook or OK Cupid are generally similar.
So I’m bored on a week night and have some unscheduled time. You choose and carefully crop your most flattering pictures, list your best accomplishments and leave out your failures, and make note of your endearing quirks.
I walked away from our last meeting wondering, “Am I the one pushing this one along? What I really need to pursue is my dream and my creative output. And if I want to meet a match, I need to put myself and my life in the places where “she” already is.
I am confident that if I do that, the rest will follow.